days like these make me want to go back to the states.
i wish i were a magician (so i can make myself disappear). but if i knew what a magician knew, then it wouldn't be magic anymore. so nevermind.
pictures from tali beach from last weekend and tagaytay are online! we had a splash! ok. corny. but its late at night, i'm tired, and i'm not in the mood to write anything extensively detailed. i just want to sleeeeep.
okay, so i'm nearing the end of my citibank contract and i need to make the small decisions that would eventually shape the bigger outcomes that lie waiting in the dark. i can't tell if i'm excited, but there's just this general uneasiness bubbling in my tummy. i wish i could just fart it out, but i think the butterflies are here to stay.
man, its getting really hot down here. it's not even funny. its like you're trapped in a bubble of hot air when you walk outside, and the heat isn't even atmospheric. okay, i made that term up meaning that its not the normal kind of hot where it just blends with the general environment. now, whenever i step outside, i'm not aware of anything except for the heat. hassle.
okay man, i'm feeling really uninspired. i've hit that point where the lull of the moment manages to manifest itself even through the day, a sad extension of the negative energy that is always present when i grope around my bed to hit my phone's snooze button. i just don't want to wake up. i open my eyes, and i don't feel like accomplishing anything for the day. man, i need to find something to fuel my fire. but what's sad about it, is that i understand what's causing my gloom.
the nerd in me is disappointed that i've been with citibank for a number of months, but i didn't take it upon myself to learn as much as i could about it. i really want to join those random trainings for anything. learning new stuff is definitely precious, and sitting around doing repetitive things is not really condusive to my perception of the importance of the time i'm spending right now in my early 20's. i want to absorb everything, but i'm just too goddamn lazy to actually raise my hand and tell myself HEY, what is going on?
actually, the big boss tasked me to write this simple but very very thorough paper. i'm pretty sure its some sort of gauge, but for some reason i'm really uncomfortable with it. i have the blocks i need to work with, but i'm disappointed with myself for having this generally apathetic front when inside, its really toiling and bubbling my insides out.
i can't wait for this weekend. yep. but tomorrow's always another day.
i caught a nasty cold last night, and now i'm packing kleenex sheets into neat little squares as i always do when i catch a sniffle. i hate it when one nostril clogs until you shift your body weight over to another side and then the other side clogs up. punyeta.
i had my bonding moment with sassy ass naz earlier today, and i probably caught him off guard with a few random sacks (!) of trivial information. i love that guy! :')
later on i went to shangri-la alone because i have no friends and scoured the place to find something interesting to wear on my date friday with nikki.. i just need to dress to the 9's because she's just TOO adorable for me to come unprepared! unfortunately the only thing i ended up buying were two packs of travel kleenex; i eventually hopped on the next MRT to greenbelt where i heard there's a preppie boy vest waiting to be bought at polo garage. of course it breaks my heart that the smallest size available is a medium, which is enough to fit two of me in, unless i had cup D man-boobs. and then i find this great pair of shorts upstairs, only to find them in 30's. so i get back on the MRT empty handed where this random guy wearing a backpack on his tummy nonchalantly tries to rub my butt whilst pretending to hold his bag. or maybe he was trying to snatch my cell. either which way, please stop rubbing your hand on my butt, ok. it turns me on. JOKE! haha!
actually, yesterday i was back at papajeks because i couldn't help myself. my friend mon had to acquiesce to the fact that theirs was close to gilligan's sisig. tonight naman i ended up lounging at countryside, where they have the best barbecue. hear me squeal! oinkkk!
teka mahaba na to. oops.
i wasn't amused when our internet at home konked out the whole weekend. but now that i'm set free of this technical glitch, let me get on with my rambling. over the weekend, one of my bosses had a quaint little wedding in the faraway hills of tagaytay. i'm glad i made the drive out alone, it paved way for a series of interesting twists and turns. and as always, the weekend came and went faster than the bat of an eyelash.
today i found out that two of my really sweet and kooky officemates will be ending this week, which made me really bummed out. with our position, contract expiry is the common denominator.. either you get hired (subject to availability) or you don't. well anyway, they were two people that i could never really imagine the office without, and its a bucket of cold water over my head knowing that everyone really goes on with their lives regardless of whether or not they adhere to whatever box you put people and experiences in. no shit sherlock, the world is turning. there's always that magical hole wherein random beautiful things come to an end. and whatever replaces it can be beautiful as well.. of course, like with everything else.. that's only when you choose to see it that way. tomorrow we will celebrate with bottles of ice cold san miguel for the past, the future, and everything in between. yeah!
i just realized i get really cheesy and sentimental when i drink. i wanted to write about something but i forgot about it a few minutes after it spawned itself in the crevices of my brain, but mostly because the moment i thought about it, it dawned upon me how cheesy that thought was and so in a fit of self preservation i shunned it from the bud. maybe that's a bad thing, but when the moment really matters, nothing will get in its way, i feel. wow that last sentence had a lot of commas. or maybe its just me. and maybe its just you. maybe.
manila is so annoyingly hot. its damn humid and gross. you step outside of the office and then you're hit by a wall of warm suffocating air that clogs all your pores and makes you start sweating like a little hippo under the sun.. even without the sun out. i hate this weather, it makes me want to walk around with no shirt, but that won't do anyone justice because i'm currently nursing a baby beer belly. but at least, as my friend says, there's something to hold on to. i wish i had a sex pack. gotta start running soon!
dinner with anna and gladys was great. i needed something like that after a long shitty day.
despite the smolty weather (hey i made that word up just now.. cool beans), i still most definitely love it here because of three things. first is the food. how can you live without laing, kilawin, sisig, and everything? i'd die. second are the people. everyone's so real. everyone's such a colorful mix, but differences aside there's something that ties everyone together. last is mixing food, people, and beer.. people know how to have a good time. not that other people don't, but i'm just getting sentimental. i'm crossing my fingers for manila's tomorrow, but that's another story.