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Wherever you go, there you are.

Month: November 2005

now that i'm older with a (somewhat) stable paycheck, a pandora's box of responsibilities have come along with it - the pressing need to cut a part of the check for an IRA (which would inherently include figuring out what a good allocation would be between funds), and the proper management of free cash outside the realm of bill paying and credit card management. i'm worried that i'm losing a lot of money by having free cash stagnate in a checking account, especially when the markets aren't in the doldrums as they were a few years ago. i'll need to sit down sometime and study how to maneuver the cards i've been dealt to my advantage.

and while the clock starts ticking, you realise that the sun isn't setting the other way (i.e. my cryptic way of saying that we're not getting any younger). while you sit and fester in the tragedy that is los angeles traffic, the world awaits to be explored. to be seen. to be heard. to be met. to be conquered.

i want to be rich. i want to be a superstar. i want to rock and roll. but i'm too busy selling my soul to the corporate machine. werd.

the air is getting a lot chilly these days, and christmas decor dot the front lawns of socal's denizens. the only decor i'll ever see around this house are my chilly nipples peeking out of my shirt! that being said, i need to get my shopping done because i'm set to fly out soon to the tropical jungles of manila.

someone caught one of my 24 year old friends making out with a 17 year old high school boy. 'he said he was 23!' she exclaimed, as she goes on to describe how he had him cornered at a party while her friends tried to pull her away. remember to check for IDs, boys and girls! mad props to my hero, you know who you are :)

i wish i had another thanksgiving weekend. there's a lot to be thankful for :) well, back to the grind in a couple of hours. i wonder if my hamster wheel is still in shape. there's only so much you can do when you're awake, and when you're not, dreams drift off the page and melt into the sound of the alarm clock buzzing to signal the start of another sleepy monday morning.

a little button, for the little kat that i fancy :)

my tummy is a-brew with brie, cheddar, and basil pesto jack cheese, cranberry raisin walnut bread, apple slices and a starbucks doubleshot espresso. paul, paul paul paul!

the mothership has landed.

it only took me a split second to realise, that this is the quote of the day.

mon: "do you know the feeling when you've been driving up and down the same road everyday.. then you go on a vacation.... then when you come back, it still feels really good driving up and down that road again."

"bye paul!"

i want to run, jump and hide. tumble, laugh, trip and fall. faster, cooler, upside down.

when boredom overflows, it ferments into a manic sugar rush.

there is no growth, without pain and sacrifice.

on a separate note. there is no fence, until you see the grass on the other side.

inside my bag was a magical piece of special polvoron this morning.

more than the gifts that i have been given, i'm most thankful of my ability to appreciate them, than having them by and in themselves. there are only a few things that nobody can take away from us - a smile, a thought, our ability to enjoy the smallest yet most rewarding pleasures that life can offer.

mondays don't bid me so well since concentration is all but on my side. i want to be outside and run all day. :)

sitting at the san jose terminal, waiting for my flight back to socal los angeles. i saw two friends have more than 6 inches of hair get chopped off into a lifeless bundle, thrown carelessly onto a plastic tray like a dead fish out of the water. off with the old, and in with the new! do mondays count, when a new week rolls in? or does the week start when the weekend begins? oh hello, susie derkins.

full circle. i'm back in chicago where i was born.

i'm a stranger, really. i never really spent time here, being in limbo between manila and los angeles. it would be cool to warp back to the 80's, and have my grandfather show me what it was like back then. it's a weird transition, but i'd write something about the mystery of having our lives flash before our eyes before we die, and how i imagine it to be an explosion of emotion that only takes a literal split second but spans a multitude of years while it's happening. i'd talk about the moment when it all collapses back to the past, and how it would be cool if you can walk thru it with someone, to show you what it was really like when everything was unfolding.

i'm freaking out cos i found two white hairs aside from the normal spot above my right ear where one usually appears.

i need a vacation. a real one.

i used to wonder if there was something wrong with me, always trying to 'escape' where and when i am. but now i realise you meet people, places and things that are well worth staying long periods of time away from.

the greatest mystery for professional/corporate success of the individual lies in the ability to pour your heart out to something that only offers a mere glimpse of anything that has bearing. if you're lucky, you'll bridge the connection between the value of your time and skills, against a greater scheme of endless hamster wheels stacked on each other, squirreling away.

my faith in finding purpose as a corporate cog has begun to waver. the bearings of my life, have started to divert away from my net worth as a turning bolt in a machine. i'd like to think that everyone at one point in their lives or another, have thought the same as i have now: of the world as a scam. we're all herded like cows towards a certain direction, expected to mulch on the same grass. but the bigger problem is, that the grass is always greener on the other side. and it never really changes since it's all been illusioned to be that way. pony up, cowboy!

i caught a bum in the corner of my eye while i was walking to lunch during work today. he had a look on his face that mysteriously read contentment, but more likely manifest by the delusions of hunger. and at each purposeful stride i made as i passed the dirty man, was a sudden pang to give him all the cash i had in my wallet. it wasn't about the money, in and by itself. what everyone needs sometimes, is not the delusions of hope that money can bring, but the upliftment given by a random deed. the notion that luck isn't merely a smatter of chance, but a real manifest of choice and meaning. that hope is not deducible to tools of commerce, the tools of a society, but the very fibers of choice that each of us are capable of making.

by the glassy look in his eye, i knew we were on the same page. he was gone by the time i got back. like the opportunity to make sense of the day, fleeting and nimble on its feet. like the chance to fit pieces together that are coming close to give answers, perpetually elusive. like the horizon that never comes, the grass that sits idlely on the other side that forever waits to someday be forgotten.



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