Hello, Lovine.com

i might have lost a friend today. it sucks cos she's really cool - unfortunately, a few things came up and she made some decisions, hopefully geared for the better. this feeling of helplessness is not amusing. you just really can't have it all, all the time i guess.

it was great to see therese today though. her new haircut makes her look like a spunky newscaster. cuute!

in a few days, i will be stuffing my trusty backpack and heading up north to batanes for a week. even though there are storms brewing left and right and there's a big possibility that i'll trek up there by my lonesome, i don't really give a shit. i'm thirsty for adventure, and its a good time-out from all the city drama so i can sit out and take pictures of the breathtaking landscapes whilst pausing my existence into a time-space vacuum. rad.

a great chapter comes to a close; today i bid farewell to citibank, and set out for yet another great adventure waiting on the next horizon.

i never really thought i'd have a hard time bidding this gig goodbye. yet i have no qualms because i know that in the end of the day, i did a job that i can be proud of and at the same time met great people (who make everything substantially harder than it should be).. but now i have to move on, and set out what i want to do, what i need to do, what i know i could do.

i try to muster up the right words, but this isn't really cutting it. i never really say goodbye to anyone - we're really just living off each other vicariously.. each one a part of the other, at the same time each instance a part of the next..

and for that, the moments that we've spent together.. for that, i am most thankful.

i love you guys. all of you. :)

sometimes i like talking when no one is listening. but not as much as i like listening when no one is talking. i need a breather. cut the crap, please.

i went to the beach again this weekend, and brought amber along. click on the picture for more! i don't have too much to say this time, i've just been really busy with work and i try to have fun when i can. the drone of everyday life really has this cynical way of creeping up behind you and numbing your senses from all over. once in a while, you really just need to take that break from the picture so you can see it from outside the frame. and that's when i vent on this blog and post lots and lots of pictures. haha!

.. and then there are days that i just don't really care. :)

there is a big chance that i will be going to random beaches the next following weekends. puerto galera pics are online, check it out.

life is good. :)

today marks the first day in a string of five that i haven't consumed anything alcoholic. not to say that my soul is saved however; the closest semblance of intoxication today consisted of sleeping the whole day like a frikkin pig, and now i'm awake with a bad bad case of boredom. only a few more days separate me from the holy week vacation.. to unwind and vegetate further into an incomprehensible blurb. man, i'm bored. where is my sidekick? i need to be saved.

its a great night.

i went hardcore overtime, and left my office at 930pm. i'm "investing" time, trying to figure out a visual basic program that would virtually ELIMINATE my job. while doing monkey robotic labor this afternoon, i realized that this is really an insult to my intelligence, and the exact words that were flashing in my mind were "WHAT A WASTE OF HUMAN CAPITAL". and so i stopped what i was doing, and opened roy's visual basic book to search for answers. its taking awhile, but if i succeed, the project hires of tomorrow will forever love me. well, not really, but i'm just trying to save our dignity as people who should be spending time actually THINKING about more relevant stuff.

more relevant stuff, like elevator girl. and so on my way down, i'm reassessing the direction of my life. 930pm on my way down to the lobby. the elevator stops midway. and then someone comes in. YAY!

so we chitchat for awhile, and its funny because i see in her eyes that shes really really tired, and its not just the physical exhaustion, but there's that spiritual uncertainty about what shes doing. i really wish she knew that i liked her. maybe someday i'll let her know. we had an interesting conversation, and i'd really LOVE to sit down with her next time and nitpick her. *siigh*

afterwards, i had a couple of beers with my idol tiosex at big sky mind. and boy, did he give me a run for my money. my new motto: "are you paying attention?"

and here's one for contention.. thats kinda off tangent: "you don't make friends by making out with them."

two cents?

hallo :)

days like these make me want to go back to the states.

i wish i were a magician (so i can make myself disappear). but if i knew what a magician knew, then it wouldn't be magic anymore. so nevermind.

pictures from tali beach from last weekend and tagaytay are online! we had a splash! ok. corny. but its late at night, i'm tired, and i'm not in the mood to write anything extensively detailed. i just want to sleeeeep.

okay, so i'm nearing the end of my citibank contract and i need to make the small decisions that would eventually shape the bigger outcomes that lie waiting in the dark. i can't tell if i'm excited, but there's just this general uneasiness bubbling in my tummy. i wish i could just fart it out, but i think the butterflies are here to stay.

man, its getting really hot down here. it's not even funny. its like you're trapped in a bubble of hot air when you walk outside, and the heat isn't even atmospheric. okay, i made that term up meaning that its not the normal kind of hot where it just blends with the general environment. now, whenever i step outside, i'm not aware of anything except for the heat. hassle.

okay man, i'm feeling really uninspired. i've hit that point where the lull of the moment manages to manifest itself even through the day, a sad extension of the negative energy that is always present when i grope around my bed to hit my phone's snooze button. i just don't want to wake up. i open my eyes, and i don't feel like accomplishing anything for the day. man, i need to find something to fuel my fire. but what's sad about it, is that i understand what's causing my gloom.

the nerd in me is disappointed that i've been with citibank for a number of months, but i didn't take it upon myself to learn as much as i could about it. i really want to join those random trainings for anything. learning new stuff is definitely precious, and sitting around doing repetitive things is not really condusive to my perception of the importance of the time i'm spending right now in my early 20's. i want to absorb everything, but i'm just too goddamn lazy to actually raise my hand and tell myself HEY, what is going on?

actually, the big boss tasked me to write this simple but very very thorough paper. i'm pretty sure its some sort of gauge, but for some reason i'm really uncomfortable with it. i have the blocks i need to work with, but i'm disappointed with myself for having this generally apathetic front when inside, its really toiling and bubbling my insides out.

i can't wait for this weekend. yep. but tomorrow's always another day.

i caught a nasty cold last night, and now i'm packing kleenex sheets into neat little squares as i always do when i catch a sniffle. i hate it when one nostril clogs until you shift your body weight over to another side and then the other side clogs up. punyeta.

i had my bonding moment with sassy ass naz earlier today, and i probably caught him off guard with a few random sacks (!) of trivial information. i love that guy! :')

later on i went to shangri-la alone because i have no friends and scoured the place to find something interesting to wear on my date friday with nikki.. i just need to dress to the 9's because she's just TOO adorable for me to come unprepared! unfortunately the only thing i ended up buying were two packs of travel kleenex; i eventually hopped on the next MRT to greenbelt where i heard there's a preppie boy vest waiting to be bought at polo garage. of course it breaks my heart that the smallest size available is a medium, which is enough to fit two of me in, unless i had cup D man-boobs. and then i find this great pair of shorts upstairs, only to find them in 30's. so i get back on the MRT empty handed where this random guy wearing a backpack on his tummy nonchalantly tries to rub my butt whilst pretending to hold his bag. or maybe he was trying to snatch my cell. either which way, please stop rubbing your hand on my butt, ok. it turns me on. JOKE! haha!

actually, yesterday i was back at papajeks because i couldn't help myself. my friend mon had to acquiesce to the fact that theirs was close to gilligan's sisig. tonight naman i ended up lounging at countryside, where they have the best barbecue. hear me squeal! oinkkk!

teka mahaba na to. oops.

i wasn't amused when our internet at home konked out the whole weekend. but now that i'm set free of this technical glitch, let me get on with my rambling. over the weekend, one of my bosses had a quaint little wedding in the faraway hills of tagaytay. i'm glad i made the drive out alone, it paved way for a series of interesting twists and turns. and as always, the weekend came and went faster than the bat of an eyelash.

today i found out that two of my really sweet and kooky officemates will be ending this week, which made me really bummed out. with our position, contract expiry is the common denominator.. either you get hired (subject to availability) or you don't. well anyway, they were two people that i could never really imagine the office without, and its a bucket of cold water over my head knowing that everyone really goes on with their lives regardless of whether or not they adhere to whatever box you put people and experiences in. no shit sherlock, the world is turning. there's always that magical hole wherein random beautiful things come to an end. and whatever replaces it can be beautiful as well.. of course, like with everything else.. that's only when you choose to see it that way. tomorrow we will celebrate with bottles of ice cold san miguel for the past, the future, and everything in between. yeah!