Hello, Lovine.com

my knees just get really weak for japanese girls. when they're pretty, they're just.. my poison pill. it didn't help that i was wearing my japanese green tea shirt, i just couldn't muster enough balls up to strike a conversation. can i spell loser on my forehead? a million stolen glances was all i could give her. she had a boyfriend, and i made it a convenient excuse to shy away like a little lost boy. her having a boyfriend made a perfect smoke screen for my non-existent social skills.

then again, the question arises, whether i would've done anything had the boyfriend not been there. i can always argue that i'll never know cos thats not the case, but its always a legitimate concern.

on top of that, this underage girl made a pun about my 'height' outside the bar we were at. i guess she was surprised cos i look 12. spell bitter? screw you bitch, at least i'm not a loser who can't get into bars. what i lack in height, i make up in length... my charm goes a long way :"> at least i'm not stupid like you.

nothing's in vain though. i met this amazing girl who's gung-ho about her music, and i now have a lead to my goal of finding a band. if you can't find love in women, screw it, i'll always find it in music. :)

the weirdest thing happened. i watched waking life, but had to stop in the middle cos i fell into a deep slumber. i was passed out the rest of the afternoon and had the most vivid dreams, which i don't remember aside from knowing that i was dreaming at those moments. weird that i passed out like that, considering how late i wokeup and how upside down my clock as turned.

before the movie...

sister: you drank beer?

me: no, why?

sister: there's an empty bottle here on the sink.

me: oh, i threw it outside.

sister: what? why?

me: it's my friend's birthday.. deutsche.

sister: ...

sister: you know what, i was cleaning out my old wallet a few days ago, and i saw his name and number on a piece of paper. i stopped for a second, and thought about him.. maybe its a way for him to remind us.. awww deutsche. :c

happy birthday, brah. we miss you man.

h: I MUST STAY SINGLE

h: even if i have a little heart aching to be loved

ain't life grand?

i feel like there's something wrong. these recurring moments of wanting a vacation from my life are becoming too frequent. maybe its the blue light creeping through the shutters reminding me its early daylight outside. maybe its the half-baked resume thats sleeping idlly on my laptop. maybe its the room in shambles, or the fact that i can't write a decent song nor sing for shit. maybe they're reasons unknown.

i feel like i haven't had a good night's sleep in a long time. i'm guessing it trancends physical exhaustion, and has something to do with my general unpacified want for something to fire me up. i have these goals in mind, but therein lies the problem, that they're only in my mind gathering dust. as for my hands, they clickety clack wildy on the keyboard typing comical nonsense and what not. i play the guitar, but it all starts to sound the same the longer i keep trying. everything starts to condense into one imperceptible haze, the longer i let the silence of my life run through. everything starts to.. disappear.

i need something, someone, to inspire me. can i find it inside? can i find it outside? ... can i find it at all?

sometimes i wonder which is worse: going to sleep and never waking back up, or being awake forever. does being awake mean you'll never dream again? does dreaming forever mean that your dreams will never really come true? sometimes, i wonder.

here and there, i would randomly remember naz and patricia and chuckle to myself at their antics. and then i would remember genie, how i used to wake her up every sunday afternoon to do our weekly round of kamuning to get textiles and have cheap bad-ass outfits made. while i ended up with a polo that would make me look like a maid, she ended up with the coolest pair of pants. score, yo. honestly, i wish she were my sister or my neighbor. she has totally no clue how absolutely lovely i think she is. she inspires me. i cut my hair because of her! man, i hate it when i miss newly found friends.

the only thing that keeps me from looking back and scratching my head on why i left, is knowing that this year can only be as mystery-filled as the one that came before it. i wonder who else is waiting around that corner?

(and no, not the transvestites hanging outside the corner of my house in manila. hahaha! sagwa!)

you know its a great birthday when you find yourself sharing a blanket on a swing with your best friend watching the sunrise, polishing off the last bottle of corona from an amazing party. aptly, the phenomenon of sharing a new sunset with an old friend just gives me more reason to believe that there is a god, and boy, did he show me! for all the tricks that you have up your sleeve, high five!

i love my mother by the way. she is a superhero. it's not everyday that you come across an amazing woman like her. :">

hey you! it's a lovine holiday! come give me a kiss. :">

six hours of chess cannot be good for anybody. been battling it out with my cousin since 2am, and ended a few minutes ago at 8am.. i hope i don't dream about it later on. it was good cos i don't think the both of us knew what we were really doing. man, my mind is in a trip. the whole time, we were listening to this radio station on i-tunes called boombastic radio classified under urban. swak!

man, i don't want to get any older.. :c..

sometimes i wonder if EG ever knew that i liked her. the last time that we bounced off a few ideas and shared a few (nerve wrecking) minutes, i would've known that i liked her if i were in her shoes. not because i said anything in particular, but with just.. the moment. you know? there was something in that moment. or she would've seen it either in my bug eyes or incoherent rambling ons.

talking to kate about KF made me remember how it felt to have a swarming horde of butterflies invade my gut whilst leaving the better judgement of me in a dizzy. wonderful times, they don't happen to me as much as they used to.

and so now, the drama of having a crush is now passed on to kate 'kilabot ng masa' villaseñor. what didn't happen between me and EG, we all pray to the high heavens that kate will have wrapped around her finger. :">

here's a letter i wrote myself nov 28 2002 before leaving for germany. i was supposed to read it two months after writing it, after mailing it to myself back in LA. i found it while cleaning my room, and very befitting considering how my friends inspire me. :)

hallo!

ich haiße lovine. ich bin nach bonn geblieben. as each day draws closer towards departure, the less i could care about the future; each moment seems to gain more importance, like the final grains of sand dancing in an hourglass. these are the moments when you know your life is in your hands, but then again it is also about knowing that all moments are yours. no matter where you are, or even when you are, everything is still yours. because your life is, and everything just follows. always remember to live the moment, live your moment, and do what you have to do, because that is the only way that dreams become true. i am who you were two months ago, and who you are now will be what i am to you for future moments. does that make sense? it will. anyway you are one lucky bitch. aurora borealis, tromso, vatican and the pope, kölsch, just look at the pics. live life.. we are one, and we've all we've got.

tcheuss out!

first things, first! happy birthday, cheeky mon!! through thick and thin, good and bad, i may always make fun of your cheeky cheeks but rest assured i do it because i love you. and you know it, brah :)

instead of getting my act together to enforce peace, order and harmony in my room, i chose to concoct weird crap like jazz from mars instead (links are italicized from now on). great..

and now i have this monstrous pimple sitting pretty on my cheek. huway? huuuwaaayy!

i dismantled my bidet assembly to install a new pipe that would split the water line in two, for the water tank and the bidet. i suspected that the old pipe (which was designed for the shower) was the cause of leakage, so excitedly, i put on my plumber face and set to work. now that all the fittings are in place, i find out that the gasket of my bidet hose is crumbled and worn out. i need to find a new hose, and i can't sit still.

sigh. in the process of cleaning up my transfer back to tarzana, everything is a horrid mess. and as much as i would like to poop right now, i'm feeling crappy about my bidet and how everything's a mess. yes. :c

hello, new york! i think i love you. :">