the mothership has landed.
Hello, Lovine.com
Wherever you go, there you are.
it only took me a split second to realise, that this is the quote of the day.
mon: "do you know the feeling when you've been driving up and down the same road everyday.. then you go on a vacation.... then when you come back, it still feels really good driving up and down that road again."
"bye paul!"
i want to run, jump and hide. tumble, laugh, trip and fall. faster, cooler, upside down.
when boredom overflows, it ferments into a manic sugar rush.
there is no growth, without pain and sacrifice.
on a separate note. there is no fence, until you see the grass on the other side.
inside my bag was a magical piece of special polvoron this morning.
more than the gifts that i have been given, i'm most thankful of my ability to appreciate them, than having them by and in themselves. there are only a few things that nobody can take away from us - a smile, a thought, our ability to enjoy the smallest yet most rewarding pleasures that life can offer.
mondays don't bid me so well since concentration is all but on my side. i want to be outside and run all day. :)
sitting at the san jose terminal, waiting for my flight back to socal los angeles. i saw two friends have more than 6 inches of hair get chopped off into a lifeless bundle, thrown carelessly onto a plastic tray like a dead fish out of the water. off with the old, and in with the new! do mondays count, when a new week rolls in? or does the week start when the weekend begins? oh hello, susie derkins.
full circle. i'm back in chicago where i was born.
i'm a stranger, really. i never really spent time here, being in limbo between manila and los angeles. it would be cool to warp back to the 80's, and have my grandfather show me what it was like back then. it's a weird transition, but i'd write something about the mystery of having our lives flash before our eyes before we die, and how i imagine it to be an explosion of emotion that only takes a literal split second but spans a multitude of years while it's happening. i'd talk about the moment when it all collapses back to the past, and how it would be cool if you can walk thru it with someone, to show you what it was really like when everything was unfolding.
i'm freaking out cos i found two white hairs aside from the normal spot above my right ear where one usually appears.
i need a vacation. a real one.
i used to wonder if there was something wrong with me, always trying to 'escape' where and when i am. but now i realise you meet people, places and things that are well worth staying long periods of time away from.
the greatest mystery for professional/corporate success of the individual lies in the ability to pour your heart out to something that only offers a mere glimpse of anything that has bearing. if you're lucky, you'll bridge the connection between the value of your time and skills, against a greater scheme of endless hamster wheels stacked on each other, squirreling away.
my faith in finding purpose as a corporate cog has begun to waver. the bearings of my life, have started to divert away from my net worth as a turning bolt in a machine. i'd like to think that everyone at one point in their lives or another, have thought the same as i have now: of the world as a scam. we're all herded like cows towards a certain direction, expected to mulch on the same grass. but the bigger problem is, that the grass is always greener on the other side. and it never really changes since it's all been illusioned to be that way. pony up, cowboy!
i caught a bum in the corner of my eye while i was walking to lunch during work today. he had a look on his face that mysteriously read contentment, but more likely manifest by the delusions of hunger. and at each purposeful stride i made as i passed the dirty man, was a sudden pang to give him all the cash i had in my wallet. it wasn't about the money, in and by itself. what everyone needs sometimes, is not the delusions of hope that money can bring, but the upliftment given by a random deed. the notion that luck isn't merely a smatter of chance, but a real manifest of choice and meaning. that hope is not deducible to tools of commerce, the tools of a society, but the very fibers of choice that each of us are capable of making.
by the glassy look in his eye, i knew we were on the same page. he was gone by the time i got back. like the opportunity to make sense of the day, fleeting and nimble on its feet. like the chance to fit pieces together that are coming close to give answers, perpetually elusive. like the horizon that never comes, the grass that sits idlely on the other side that forever waits to someday be forgotten.
harrowing ten hour day at work. and it doesn't seem like it's going to let up for the next week. now i celebrate impending catastrophe at jerry's deli, devouring a strawberry sundae, leeching off unsecured wireless internet from the neighbors in sherman oaks.
bizarre how we have these roles to fulfill, and even better is having the ability to question it. imagine - do animals ever question the complexity of their natural social structure? nature has it's own enforcers in place, and the rules are quite clear: either you are, or you aren't. not everyone can be the top dog, not everyone can play the role of the queen bee. and sooner or later, somebody gets eaten.
who decides who becomes a farmer, who decides who becomes a nerd like bill gates? and sooner or later, somebody has to pay their taxes. sooner or later, somebody has to pay for something. we have all these roles to fulfill, but in the case of a questioning mind, the world can be painted many a different shade depending on the stroke of the tongue, the direction of your logic. at what point, do we start complicating things that aren't really that complicated? when things aren't complicated or when you throw your arms up in surrender to succumb to the comforts of complacence, at what point have you denied yourself the truth? what is, the real value of the truth? perhaps it's also a leap of faith, to believe that there is one to begin with. or maybe, at the end of the day, the only truth is what we decide what can be, real.
just came back from the black crowes gig at the henry fonda theater. good stuff! ben harper came out for the encore, and i left with a 3-disc CD of the show. that was a pretty damn good gig, and i never regret going to these kinds of gigs alone if i have to.
randomly browsing through wikipedia, i stumbled on the smashing pumpkins. and now they're playing on itunes. there really isn't anything else that pacifies me the way siamese dream does; i'm hopelessly attached to everything about the album and the songs. it's one of those mysteries, of the beautiful kind.. like how i met the little hurricane. :)
i ended up at the gas station sitting right next to my hotel for a smoked turkey and cheese sandwhich, coupled with a cold glass of chocolate milk. 'dinner of champions!' i exclaimed, as the guy behind the counter let out a guffaw.
when the clock hits ten-thirty, what really matters? except for the simplest pleasures of life. chocolate milk, and a warm bed. a hug, would be nice too.
i'm booking itineraries like a madman on expedia corporate. i don't think i've ever been gone for this long, and it's only the third week - and i'll be gone for one more month. i can't even believe this. i might as well pack all my earthly goods in a suitcase.
i never talked about what happened to me last sunday, when i checked in my original hotel as planned. in all the places, spots and crevices that i've been known to sleep on and make do with my happy-go-lucky disposition, i've never had anything like that. the room was not clean when i checked in, and the hotel seriously needed to be soaked in lysol. when you're scared of taking a shower because you feel like it's dirtier to take one, then you really know you're in a bad spot. it was pretty ghetto. lovely!